OMG I feel like I have been on a different planet this last month or two. Between thanksgiving, our 2 leaks, my home being in complete chaos from the leaks, to Christmas and the New Year I don’t know where the time has gone. I was trying to be super intentional about keeping my blog undated with everything I had been going through with this second pregnancy but with the leak and then the re-pipe leak I haven’t had the energy to sit down and write. Luckily today I had my 2nd spark and nap time just didn’t seem as exciting as writing so here I am updating you guys on life.

Things around the house have been quite crazy with all the construction from the re-pipe leak. (I will post some pictures haha). My husband, Sean has also been home on leave pretty much since the leak happened due to stress so that has been a huge adjustment too. It has been a really big treat though because we got to spend some quality time with family over the holidays and my toddler has been able to bond with him on a whole different level since he has been home. My toddler is obsessed with daddy now, which is so sweet to witness. He is such a good helper, well kind of haha. He has been helping daddy with all of his projects. My job has really just been stay out of the way and keep him safe and away from daddy’s dangerous tools.

Sean has been super busy with doing stuff around the house.. man it a nice treat to have such a handy husband. Right now he is working on repainting our downstairs, putting in new tile wood floors and base boards. Despite my house being a danger zone and crazy to live in I am very excited to see what it looks like when it is all done. I will share pictures i promise!

**Pregnancy update**

So glad 1st trimester is over with and I am feeling more myself now. Can’t believe it but I am already 23 weeks! I really did struggle with major depression this pregnancy but I am pretty sure I know the reasons why now…..I wasn’t working out and my diet consisted of Del Taco, donuts and take out. It is no wonder I felt so crummy haha. I had absolutely no appetite to cook and nothing that had protein or a vegetable sounded good, so my diet consisted of carbs and cheese and I was totally ashamed of what I was doing. It brought me right back to when I struggled with my binge eating disorder in college. Here I was trying to teach people how to eat clean and take supplements to help them reach their goals while I was eating pancakes and grilled cheese sandwiches.This was really hard for me and I think that was the underlying reason why I was so depressed. I felt like a big phony. I basically decided to put my AdvoCare business on hold because I was really just ashamed of my lifestyle this pregnancy. I am always one to practice what I preach so I just didn’t feel right about my business at that moment.  The combination of not feeling well, not working out, eating crap and not having AdvoCare in my life really got me down but with the New Year approaching I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to dedicate this year to living a healthy, happy life and getting back to the basics.

Despite all the chaos in my house I have really put a huge focus on exercise and eating better since the New Year and I swear that has made a huge difference. For me exercise, nutrition and supplementation really are the keys to my happiness. When one of those are missing I struggle with depression. I have chosen to not make any excuses about my eating habits or getting in my morning exercise. Even with no kitchen or floors I have made it happen. I have cleaned dishes in the sink while throwing some crockpot meals on the counter so we can have healthy meals for lunch and dinner. I have had a  no excuses attitude and it totally seems to be working.  I have really enjoyed cooking again and prepping the best I can with all the construction going on. I actually would say I feel great as of the last 2 weeks. I have more energy than I have had since being pregnant and I am excited to continue feeling good for the rest of my pregnancy.

I am excited to share more of my journey with you all.. I promise to keep you posted on the unplanned remodel and my health and wellness journey.

I just want to thank everyone who has reached out to me since my last post. I have always been a very firm believer that everything in my life happens for a reason & the hard times are what makes us who we are.  All the stress & unrealistic expectations I was putting on myself was starting to seriously change who I was & I definitely knew that something in my life needed to change. I was walking through the motions of life but not being present or enjoying my life. My fake smile was holding back the tears I wanted to shed from the darkness I had been feeling the last few months. Behind that smile I was a seriously depressed, sad woman begging for a solution as to why I was feeling the way I was feeling.

Last week I was walking with a good friend of mine & she boldly confronted me about my negative self talk and how I needed to stop being so hard on myself.  I just kept saying how I felt like I was failing everyone around me and the word failure kept coming out of my mouth. I know that word “failure” stems from my real dad always telling me that when I was growing up, but why as a 28-year-old was a I feeling like that 12-year-old girl again?  I left that walk determined to change the way I had been talking to myself lately & it was time to seek some outside help. That same day I reached out to my long-time therapist, Dr. Robert McDonald, to help me with whatever I was going through. I was finally going to get some answers for why my negative self talk and fear of failure was clouding my happiness.

Seeing Dr. McDonald was just what I needed, I left feeling like I had figured out the reasons behind my harsh negative self talk and was ready to conquer life again. I learned a new method of how to prioritize the things I actually need to get done and leave the rest up to god.   Now I have just been getting as much as I can get done when I am feeling good, then when I am not feeling good I listen to my body and rest. I think this whole sickness and depression has taught me a lot about what having two babies while working from home would be like. I will never be able to get everything done and there will always be a list of things I will probably never get to and that is completely ok. I am doing the best I can and really prioritizing the things that are most important and leaving the rest to god.

I have already learned a lot about myself and things I need to work on through this pregnancy, it is just the beginning. As hard as some moments in my life have been they have always taught me something that has made me stronger in the long run. I know that this pregnancy is no exception to that.

Speaking of hard moments… this week it’s a painful UTI and complete face rash….At least I have a better mindset to get through it this week. I guess some pregnancies just really test your limits.

14 Weeks Preggo pre full face rash HAHAHA

So it is officially facebook official.. baby #2 is on the way!! We are so very excited to be expanding our family…But as excited as I am about Jordan being a big brother I honestly had no idea what was in store for me when I wanted/planned for baby #2. It has been a rollercoaster the last 4 months for me. I could have never planned or imagined what life would be like pregnant with a toddler.  I have heard so many of my friends tell me how different each pregnancy can be but I definitely was not prepared for how different this one was going to be. From the progesterone making me moody, tired & hungry 24/7 to the clomid that made me curl in a ball for 3 days straight to the joy of pregnancy sickness it’s been a “just try to survive the day” kind of 4 months.

I am usually one to suck it up and get through anything with a positive attitude.. I would like to consider myself a pretty tough cookie but I am honestly just in survival mode. I am so tired I can barely think straight, my poor husband has has to deal with my moodiness and don’t even get me started on the all day and night sickness.  Juggling life as a stay at home working mom of a toddler while being pregnant has been eye opening to say the least. I seriously can’t seem to keep up with anything these days. I have had to really take a deep inventory of my priorities and eliminate all but the necessities just to get by. For someone like me who is a perfectionist and an overachiever to do the bare minimum feels like a failure. I feel major mom guilt for not being as energetic and enthusiastic as I was pre pregnancy. I feel like a bad wife for not having the energy to make dinner every night and keep the house clean. I feel like a slacker at work because sometimes my 4am alarm clock gets pushed to 4:30 or even 5 and I am scrambling just trying to get the bare minimum done so I don’t get on anyones’ radar.  I finally sat down with a girl friend a couple weeks ago and was honest about how i have been feeling and it felt so great to be honest about my struggles. I made a commitment to her that I was going to share my struggles and not judge myself so much. I am really hoping that sharing my struggles with others will get me out of this never-ending funk.

I am hoping that I will get out of my funk soon but until then I am just trying my best to give myself some slack.. I am producing a human in there for goodness sake! I have had to constantly remind myself that it is ok to not be able to do it all.  Because of all of my food aversions and sickness this pregnancy I have not been able to eat very clean at all and have had to resort to take out and fast food. This has been really hard mentally for me. Not only because I am usually a clean eating freak but also because I coach others how to eat clean and live a healthy “lifestyle”. For me it has been really hard to not be able to practice what I preach but luckily I have been able to incorporate a lot of healthy supplements that are nursing and pregnancy friendly to help me fill in those nutritional gaps since I haven’t been able to stomach a lot of clean foods. I guess I really just need to be nicer to myself and know no one is expecting perfection from me. I mean I know I don’t expect perfection for anyone I coach so I can’t be perfect all the time either.

I am going to try my best to make a better effort at blogging more though my pregnancy and being honest about my struggles. I think it is important for me to share this more vulnerable side with more people. ❤

One more week til 2nd trimester…. hope the sickness/tiredness goes away!!

I sit here on the verge of tears knowing I need to share what I am going through and I hope by sharing these feelings this will pass.

I have shared in my previous blog that I struggled with depression and the truth it I still struggle sometimes. It might not be as bad as it once was but I think that’s only because I like to keep a pretty tight routine in order to remain sane and I also know the signs so I can usually snap out of it before it gets bad. The truth is it’s bad and I need to snap out of it and snap out of it now.

I know I should be so excited to just have gone to Hawaii for 10 days and spent such an amazing vacation with my incredible family but yet I sit here feeling empty and alone. I have absolutely no reason for feeling the way I do right now but I do. I sit in my beautiful house watching my adorable little boy play with his blocks and I could breakdown in tears at any moment over this empty feeling i have inside. I have spent the last week walking through the motions of life but not being present. Depression is definitely peaking it’s way back into my life.

I have learned through the years what the signs are and I know that getting off my routine can definitely trigger depression for me and I think that’s why I feel the way I do. Since I have gotten back from vacation I found it extremely hard to get back to my normal routine and I am not sure if it is work stress, my baby being off his schedule or just a phase that I go through occasionally. I know i didn’t workout everyday like i need to for my mental health and i definitely didn’t eat the way i normally do when i am at home. I think maybe the combination of all of it may be the issue.

I am hoping sharing how I feel will kick start me to getting motivated to be present in life again.  When I feel like this I just can’t seem to get motivated to do anything but the necessities. I know that for me all it usually takes is getting back into a routine and getting my body moving to snap me out of it but when I went to workout yesterday not even that helped. My mind wasn’t present and I just ended up going home and not finishing my workout, which is so unlike me. My eating hasn’t been great & I find myself emotionally eating because I feel down and don’t feel like getting anything done. It has been a vicious cycle for the last week since I have been home.

Somehow my brain rationalizes that I can go one more day feeling like this and that tomorrow will be my fresh start and then the pattern continues. As I lay here writing this I am making a commitment to end the pity party and get back on track. No more missing my supplements, no more missing or leaving early from workouts and no more emotional eating. I am making a commitment to take care of my mind and my body and get back on track. I am going to stop making excuses for myself and why my house looks like a disaster. Today I am going to get things done and literally force myself to get back into my routine until I feel normal again. I know it isn’t going to happen overnight but I do know if I keep with it this feeling will surpass and I will feel myself again.

My husband and I decided to dedicate 24 days to getting our health on track. We may have looked healthy from the outside but we were far from it. I was an exhausted overworked stay at home mom with no help and not enough energy to do it all. My husband works insanely long hours in a high stress environment leaving him exhausted at the end of the day with no motivation to be active. We needed a change and honestly the investment in the 24 day challenge was the best investment we have made to date.

I get up at 4am to work from home before my little one wakes up so by noon I was ready for a nap. Even a 2-3 hour nap wasn’t good enough for me I would still wake up exhausted but drag myself out to the park to play with my little one. I would drink 3-4 cups of coffee a day just to get by and I still could fall asleep after having a coffee. My body just wasn’t working right and I wanted to do something about it. I got in a really bad habit of drinking every night just to unwind from a long day of juggling life. I had somehow justified in my head that i deserved those 2-3 glasses of wine because i had such a long day. I knew it wasn’t a good habit to have but it is what I looked forward to after my little one went to bed.

My husband, Sean, loves his treats! If it was his choice he would have biscuits and gravy or chicken fried steak and eggs for breakfast, a burrito for lunch and lasagna for dinner with a bowl of vanilla ice cream for dessert. He loves and enjoys his comfort foods. He works crazy hours in an extremely stressful environment so for him food is comfort. At the office he finds himself snacking on donuts, pastries, birthday cake and ice cream. The combination of bad food and lack of exercise had him exhausted.

We wanted a change so we decided to sign up for the 24 day challenge together and man I am going to tell you it was a game changer for us. We didn’t lose much weight I lost nothing and Sean lost 5 pounds and 3 inches around his waist but it wasn’t about the weight for us it was able our energy and zest for life. Through the 24 day challenge I no longer drink coffee, I was able to break my bad habit of drinking wine every night and I now have so much energy I don’t need my naps and I even double my production at work. Sean was able to gain more energy, eliminate the processed foods and feel better than he has ever felt before. This has been truly a blessing for us both.

It is not always about weight loss sometimes our bodies and minds just need a reset. A reset to eliminate the processed foods and sugar, alcohol and jump start healthy living. We don’t plan on eliminating these things forever but more live a 80/20 lifestyle….well let me be honest I like to live more of a 90/10 lifestyle myself but it is all about balance and moderation. No matter what your goals are whether it’s losing weight, gaining energy or just a mental reset to jump start some healthy lifestyle habits the 24 day challenge or something like that may be exactly what you have been looking for.

If you are interested in learning more or have any questions I’m just an e-mail away!  momnthemirror@gmail.com

Please click link below if you are interested in purchasing the challenge or finding out more information on Advocare or advocare products: https://www.advocare.com/160437347/Store/ViewBundle.aspx?bundleID=1509959&type=B

I haven’t really been able to sleep since my post the other day. I apologize for any grammar errors but i truly just wanted to speak from the heart. I did end up taking down my post regarding my 6 month post baby body. Sometimes what i think doesn’t seem to come out just right and i definitely didn’t mean to offend anyone in the least bit.

My 6 month post baby body had nothing to do with my body at all. That picture illustrated a new mom who was lost and had no confidence. My every moment was consumed by my son and work. I did absolutely nothing for myself and i felt lost. I was lost behind the scenes and had convinced myself that i was living and breathing for my baby. My whole world was my baby. I was getting up at 4am to work to provide for him and literally spent every moment he was sleeping working from home and juggling mom duties. I had absolutely no balance and i did absolutely nothing for myself.

I was occassionally working out but not like i needed for my mental health. For me working out is a necessity and i need to do it every day no matter what. Even if it just getting out of the house for a quick 30 minute walk i need it. At one time in my life i was on 6 different medications for depression, anxiety, sleep disorder,ect. You name it i had it, then i found exercise. For many years i went from doctor to doctor being prescribed one thing and then only to be prescribed another to offset the affects of another medication. Then i met exercise. Exercise is my anti depressant, it is my anti anxiety… it is my sanity. Some may thing i am extreme but that is totally fine with me because when i am working out it is my happy place. I feel like i am on top of the world and nothing can stop me when i am pounding pavement, spinning, or lifting weights. I never feel more confident then i do when i am working out. When i don’t workout my whole life seems to fall apart and i lose myself.

I was able to get off 6 different medications because i found my drug of choice, exercise. Whatever your thoughts are about my how i look at my body or what i do for exercise is your own opinion. I know for me when my mind is right and i am working out my body is right. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY BODY. when my mind is right my body is right. My mind is a direct reflect of what i am feeling on the inside.

so in ending this i just want to say that i am extremely sorry if i offended anyone with my photo it was not my intention at all. My intention was to show my confidence i have no because i am taking care of me. We all have our own internal struggles we deal and for me exercise is the answer.

9 weeks ago i decided to participate in a “Get fit challenge” at Stroller Strides. It was an 8 week challenge to get fit and lose weight with a $$ prize for the winner. There were 6 parts to the challenge: weight, measurements, 1 mile run, holding a perfect plank, a wall sit and push ups. I knew i wasn’t in the running to win because i don’t have weight to lose but i thought this might be an awesome opportunity to train and compete for some personal goals. I also thought it would be fun to cheer on the other girls who were doing the challenge and motivate each other to hit our goals together.

I had some pretty crazy goals i set out to achieve and i didn’t even know if it was possible for me to achieve them. I wanted to run under a 6 minute mile and hold a 6 minute plank which meant i had 8 weeks to train and drop almost a minute and a half off my mile time and add 4 minutes to my perfect plank. Was this possible?

I had great intentions of doing interval training and getting in some good tempo runs but after the first few weeks life got the best of me. It was hard doing sprints and tempo runs with Jordan and i felt bad having him in the stroller for training and then stroller strides. Then there was throwing and planning Jordan’s 1st birthday , my sister and my mother in law came in town for two weeks and then i got hit with major depression after weaning Jordan from nursing.  I realized it is not the same when you have kids and a family. In high school and college my entire life was centered around school and swim/cross country. I never had to worry about working, taking care of a baby, cooking, cleaning and all the other responsibilities i have now that i have a family. I remember my old swim coach said  that one day i was going to wish i could go back to the days all i had to do was worry about school and swimming fast. Now i totally know what he means. Training was now on the back burner.  I started to get discouraged and didn’t know if i could pull it off.

The one thing i did do was show up to stroller strides every day and give it 100% while i was there. If i wasn’t able to train specifically for my goals by running tempo and sprints & doing extra core exercises i figured i would give it my all while i was at class with Jordan. Every day Jordan and I showed up ready to work hard and get in a good sweat. I pushed myself harder than i had pushed in years and it felt great. I could feel myself getting faster and stronger and i was starting to gain the confidence i needed in order to achieve this crazy goal i had.

The days leading up to the big “Get Fit Challenge” were nerve-wracking. I have never been a good competitor. I was always one of those athletes that was great at practice but when it came to race day i always let my nerves get the best of me. I used to take about 10 poohs before race time and then would have to go again at the start line. My stomach hurts just thinking about it. I was determined to not let that happen to me all over again.  The night before the challenge I put in my Louise Hayes affirmations and i just listened for hour before i went to bed the night before. When i woke up the next morning i felt refreshed so i listened to affirmations again while i was working. It seemed to help the nerves for the moment.

It was weigh in time, then measurements, then race time. I was as ready as i was going to be. I started out pretty fast, probably faster than i should have started out but i think the adrenaline got to me. I beat my goal by 2 seconds finishing the mile in 5:58! I did it! Next was the plank. I felt pretty exhausted from the mile but i took a feel minutes to warm down and i went into my happy place and just tried to mentally zone the pain out. The first 4 minutes weren’t too bad but then my body was starting to shake. Shake badly. Thats when the positive affirmations kicked in. I can do this. I got this. I am strong. I did it!!! 6 minute plank. I accomplished my goals! It felt so good and i felt like the inner athlete in me had been unleashed again.

The mind is such a powerful thing. I think the words of affirmation/positive self talk and the hard work i put in day in and day out is what helped me accomplish my goals. I am the only person that can stand in my way from accomplishing whatever goals i set out to achieve. Since the challenge i have been thinking about what my next challenge for myself might be. I have some ideas and can’t wait to share them very soon!

I am a mom.  I am a very proud mom of a beautiful, active and rambunctious 13 month old boy. He is my world, in fact he has become my very reason for being.  The day I had Jordan I made it my life mission to become the “perfect mom”.   I became the jack of all trades . I work before he gets up & through his naps, I cook, clean, do the laundry, change poopy diapers, workout with him daily, play, and entertain him. Jordan never leaves my side.  Everything i do is for him and i have become a obsessed with this little man.

I used to love to go to spin, zumba, body pump , get my nails done, hair done, or just have a date night with the hubby. When i became a mom I stopped doing all the things i used to do for myself because  a voice inside my head told me that those things were selfish.  The voice inside my head also told me that in order to be the best mom i could be i couldn’t do these things. These were selfish things that i didn’t need. I had convinced myself that i was fine and happy.  I  stopped taking care of my wants and needs to put Jordan first. I told myself that i would be a bad mom if i left him to do anything for myself. But I have realized in the last few weeks in order to be the best mom i possibly can i need to take care of me first.

A few weeks ago i decided to wean Jordan from breastfeeding and it was much harder than i anticipated. It wasn’t hard for Jordan, he adjusted pretty much overnight. I on the other hand struggled with major depression and anxiety. I would literally just break out in tears for no reason. It was a struggle to get out of bed every day but i forced myself to keep with my normal routine hoping that i would just wake up feeling 100% again. After a week of feeling like that I reached out to my therapist for some help and it was the best thing i could have done. I realized despite having the best of intentions, i have been living a very unhealthy lifestyle for the past 13 months. I have been sacrificing my needs to take care of everyone/everything besides myself. I had somehow convinced myself that my daily champagne habit was ok because it was the only thing i was doing for me. Through talking it out with my therapist i realized that in order to be a better mom i need to put me first. It’s like they say on the airplane i need to put my safety mask on before i put Jordan’s or anyone else’s on.

I have taken the advice of my therapist and have started to do a few things that i have been missing. I went back to my first spin class since Jordan was born and fell in love all over again. I had forgotten what it was like to just get wild on the bike. When i am spinning i feel like i have super human strength. I feel sexy and strong. I love spinning and getting lost in the music. I also have gotten back into the pool to swim some laps with a friend. I am so excited i decided to find me again. I am excited for what is to come and i can’t wait to share.