I just want to thank everyone who has reached out to me since my last post. I have always been a very firm believer that everything in my life happens for a reason & the hard times are what makes us who we are.  All the stress & unrealistic expectations I was putting on myself was starting to seriously change who I was & I definitely knew that something in my life needed to change. I was walking through the motions of life but not being present or enjoying my life. My fake smile was holding back the tears I wanted to shed from the darkness I had been feeling the last few months. Behind that smile I was a seriously depressed, sad woman begging for a solution as to why I was feeling the way I was feeling.

Last week I was walking with a good friend of mine & she boldly confronted me about my negative self talk and how I needed to stop being so hard on myself.  I just kept saying how I felt like I was failing everyone around me and the word failure kept coming out of my mouth. I know that word “failure” stems from my real dad always telling me that when I was growing up, but why as a 28-year-old was a I feeling like that 12-year-old girl again?  I left that walk determined to change the way I had been talking to myself lately & it was time to seek some outside help. That same day I reached out to my long-time therapist, Dr. Robert McDonald, to help me with whatever I was going through. I was finally going to get some answers for why my negative self talk and fear of failure was clouding my happiness.

Seeing Dr. McDonald was just what I needed, I left feeling like I had figured out the reasons behind my harsh negative self talk and was ready to conquer life again. I learned a new method of how to prioritize the things I actually need to get done and leave the rest up to god.   Now I have just been getting as much as I can get done when I am feeling good, then when I am not feeling good I listen to my body and rest. I think this whole sickness and depression has taught me a lot about what having two babies while working from home would be like. I will never be able to get everything done and there will always be a list of things I will probably never get to and that is completely ok. I am doing the best I can and really prioritizing the things that are most important and leaving the rest to god.

I have already learned a lot about myself and things I need to work on through this pregnancy, it is just the beginning. As hard as some moments in my life have been they have always taught me something that has made me stronger in the long run. I know that this pregnancy is no exception to that.

Speaking of hard moments… this week it’s a painful UTI and complete face rash….At least I have a better mindset to get through it this week. I guess some pregnancies just really test your limits.

14 Weeks Preggo pre full face rash HAHAHA