So it is officially facebook official.. baby #2 is on the way!! We are so very excited to be expanding our family…But as excited as I am about Jordan being a big brother I honestly had no idea what was in store for me when I wanted/planned for baby #2. It has been a rollercoaster the last 4 months for me. I could have never planned or imagined what life would be like pregnant with a toddler.  I have heard so many of my friends tell me how different each pregnancy can be but I definitely was not prepared for how different this one was going to be. From the progesterone making me moody, tired & hungry 24/7 to the clomid that made me curl in a ball for 3 days straight to the joy of pregnancy sickness it’s been a “just try to survive the day” kind of 4 months.

I am usually one to suck it up and get through anything with a positive attitude.. I would like to consider myself a pretty tough cookie but I am honestly just in survival mode. I am so tired I can barely think straight, my poor husband has has to deal with my moodiness and don’t even get me started on the all day and night sickness.  Juggling life as a stay at home working mom of a toddler while being pregnant has been eye opening to say the least. I seriously can’t seem to keep up with anything these days. I have had to really take a deep inventory of my priorities and eliminate all but the necessities just to get by. For someone like me who is a perfectionist and an overachiever to do the bare minimum feels like a failure. I feel major mom guilt for not being as energetic and enthusiastic as I was pre pregnancy. I feel like a bad wife for not having the energy to make dinner every night and keep the house clean. I feel like a slacker at work because sometimes my 4am alarm clock gets pushed to 4:30 or even 5 and I am scrambling just trying to get the bare minimum done so I don’t get on anyones’ radar.  I finally sat down with a girl friend a couple weeks ago and was honest about how i have been feeling and it felt so great to be honest about my struggles. I made a commitment to her that I was going to share my struggles and not judge myself so much. I am really hoping that sharing my struggles with others will get me out of this never-ending funk.

I am hoping that I will get out of my funk soon but until then I am just trying my best to give myself some slack.. I am producing a human in there for goodness sake! I have had to constantly remind myself that it is ok to not be able to do it all.  Because of all of my food aversions and sickness this pregnancy I have not been able to eat very clean at all and have had to resort to take out and fast food. This has been really hard mentally for me. Not only because I am usually a clean eating freak but also because I coach others how to eat clean and live a healthy “lifestyle”. For me it has been really hard to not be able to practice what I preach but luckily I have been able to incorporate a lot of healthy supplements that are nursing and pregnancy friendly to help me fill in those nutritional gaps since I haven’t been able to stomach a lot of clean foods. I guess I really just need to be nicer to myself and know no one is expecting perfection from me. I mean I know I don’t expect perfection for anyone I coach so I can’t be perfect all the time either.

I am going to try my best to make a better effort at blogging more though my pregnancy and being honest about my struggles. I think it is important for me to share this more vulnerable side with more people. ❤

One more week til 2nd trimester…. hope the sickness/tiredness goes away!!