I am a mom.  I am a very proud mom of a beautiful, active and rambunctious 13 month old boy. He is my world, in fact he has become my very reason for being.  The day I had Jordan I made it my life mission to become the “perfect mom”.   I became the jack of all trades . I work before he gets up & through his naps, I cook, clean, do the laundry, change poopy diapers, workout with him daily, play, and entertain him. Jordan never leaves my side.  Everything i do is for him and i have become a obsessed with this little man.

I used to love to go to spin, zumba, body pump , get my nails done, hair done, or just have a date night with the hubby. When i became a mom I stopped doing all the things i used to do for myself because  a voice inside my head told me that those things were selfish.  The voice inside my head also told me that in order to be the best mom i could be i couldn’t do these things. These were selfish things that i didn’t need. I had convinced myself that i was fine and happy.  I  stopped taking care of my wants and needs to put Jordan first. I told myself that i would be a bad mom if i left him to do anything for myself. But I have realized in the last few weeks in order to be the best mom i possibly can i need to take care of me first.

A few weeks ago i decided to wean Jordan from breastfeeding and it was much harder than i anticipated. It wasn’t hard for Jordan, he adjusted pretty much overnight. I on the other hand struggled with major depression and anxiety. I would literally just break out in tears for no reason. It was a struggle to get out of bed every day but i forced myself to keep with my normal routine hoping that i would just wake up feeling 100% again. After a week of feeling like that I reached out to my therapist for some help and it was the best thing i could have done. I realized despite having the best of intentions, i have been living a very unhealthy lifestyle for the past 13 months. I have been sacrificing my needs to take care of everyone/everything besides myself. I had somehow convinced myself that my daily champagne habit was ok because it was the only thing i was doing for me. Through talking it out with my therapist i realized that in order to be a better mom i need to put me first. It’s like they say on the airplane i need to put my safety mask on before i put Jordan’s or anyone else’s on.

I have taken the advice of my therapist and have started to do a few things that i have been missing. I went back to my first spin class since Jordan was born and fell in love all over again. I had forgotten what it was like to just get wild on the bike. When i am spinning i feel like i have super human strength. I feel sexy and strong. I love spinning and getting lost in the music. I also have gotten back into the pool to swim some laps with a friend. I am so excited i decided to find me again. I am excited for what is to come and i can’t wait to share.